I live very near TruFire and have always said, “Gotta try that place some time soon.” I just never got around to it. Then the place came up for review and I was so excited because I had already read a few reviews on TruFire and they all touted this excellent drink that had balsamic vinegar in it. New to me. Had to try. Besides, it was Wednesday and a really good excuse to get out and see my chicks, man!

For a Wednesday is was notably busy. We didn’t have to wait for a table or anything, but the place filled and unfilled while we visited and ate our hummus, with FRESH veggies! Fresh, crisp carrots!

I really ventured out and ordered the chicken sandwich. Extreme YUM! If only 4 of my taste buds had orgasms during the hummus, well this chicken sandwich, as simple as it sounds, made ALL my taste buds do this: Oh yeah baby! Uh-huh! Oh GOD! I’m gonna, it’s happening! Grasp your napkin! Uh! UH! Ohhhhh. Now take another bite bitch.

And if that wasn’t enough, we split a carrot cake muffin thing that was so delicious.

Now, onto the man candy that is dancing around this place calling themselves waitstaff. I don’t even know if they had a waitress, but I noted many a hot dude wearing their Trufire, all black attire. Our waiter included – HAWT! And, I know the owners are married and have kids and stuff, but again – come visit my table ANY TIME!

Oh, and it should be mentioned that their mints on the way out are the GOOD kind! The kind with chocolate! They spare no expense on making their food from scratch, fresh, delicious, and even give you a great mint for your ride home.

Sabrina gives Trufire, in all it’s deliciousness, 5 out of 5 Countini’s.

I have to say that I’ve been to Trufire before, and I consider myself a fan. Hubby and I sometimes go there for a night cap and dessert, or we’ve also stopped by for a meal here and there.

On this particular evening with the girls, I decided to branch out and try a few cocktails. I tried the Blackberry Smash and the Black Splash, both of which were delicious. I mean, really, really, really delicious. I’m a huge hummus fan, and I very much enjoyed our appetizer.

For the meal I decided to go down the non-healthy route, and try the Tru Mac. It was so good. I would definitely recommend it to those without any heart issues. It was well worth the extra miles I had to put on my run the next morning.

I love the atmosphere here, and we’ve always had great service. Most days there is usually a pretty good crowd. Even on a Wednesday night, there was a good number of people.

I would highly recommend this place. It’s great for a date night,

Elanah gives TruFire Four out of Five Collin Countinis

Wow, what a difference a couple of miles makes. We started at Buckwilds (every one knows how that went) and we have now made it to TruFire. Total opposites.

I have said it before and I will say it again. I am a food snob. Not in the way of everything has to be organic or that I only eat grass fed beef. No, I just like to cook. And when I go to a restaurant I want to eat something that I won’t sit there and think, “I could have made this at home.” I appreciate things that I would have never thought of to make or food that just takes a long time to prepare. That’s what I like to eat at a restaurant. Few places fit that bill.

TruFire is one of them. The atmosphere was great, high class yet laid back. Slightly noisy but I had no problem hearing my fellow Housewives. And, a nice menu.

We all started out with drinks and each tried a different one. Even though I am always more comfortable ordering a beer, I figured I would try a mixed drink. It was Delicious! In fact, I got to taste all of the drinks at the table and they were all good. And I totally loved how they used fresh fruit.

Next we split the hummus. Here is where I was a little wary. You see, I make my own hummus at home all of the time and well…. I like my hummus. Guess what? It tasted almost just like what I make a home. Slam-dunk on the hummus.

On to the entrée, I was going to order the burger but was warned that it was a bit messy so I decided to go for the Prosciutto Pizza with caramelized onions. Mmmmmmm. I also got to taste Sabrina and Elanah’s dishes and they were just as yummy. Then for the finale we got a taste of the Carrot Cake. Considering overall I’m not a huge fan of vegetables in my cake, I thought it was great.

TruFire totally makes up for our last meal. This foodie loved it.

I had planned on giving TruFire a high overflowing 4 out of 5 but as I was walking out the door I spotted Andies Mints. That right there deserves a Countini itself.

Twila gives TruFire 5 out of 5 Collin Countinis.

Pardon the interruption, but I’m looking for a few good women.

I’m starting another blog – don’t fear, this one will always be my second baby and will always be here.

I need 3, maybe 4, I haven’t decided yet, mom’s that want to snark the entertainment world.  If you are interested, it’s going to be a lot of work with no pay to get it going, but fun.  I’ll need you to commit to writing at least 3 days a week.  And you’ll need to make me laugh, HARD.   

So if you’re interested, take this picture, or find one you prefer and snark at it.  Be funny, be original, and good luck.  It doesn’t have to be a long post, it could even be just a one-liner.  Just be funny.  Email your entries to sabrina@therealhousewivesofcollincounty.com

Photo/AP

So in the aftermath of Michael Jackson’s sudden death, I’m hearing all these female friends of mine say how much they used to be in love with him.  Let me just say I loved Michael’s music, but even in the ‘Off the Wall’ days, I did not find him attractive.  He was always so skinny, had the high voice, and just was not a man I ever wanted to be with.  I’m really hoping these women feel out of love with him by ‘Bad’, I mean come on, Michael Jackson pretending he was part of a gang was just not convincing to me.

I feel the same way with Prince.  I happen to be fairly tall, and by the age of 8, I probably had 10 inches on the man.  So maybe not that much, but he’s so tiny and little.  When he’s flopping around the stage in the movie ‘Purple Rain’, I still think and wonder, ‘Really, women found this attractive?’

Now, one of my crushes gone wrong, was definitely George Michael.  When ‘I want your sex came out,’ I was just learning what sex was, and I never wanted to learn about something so badly in my life.  Wow, he was beautiful.  That was the same album that he danced around for the song ‘Faith’.  His ass was priceless, and I was devastated when he came out of the closet.  However, as I look back and watch the video for ‘Wake Me Up  Before You Go Go’, I wonder how I ever questioned his sexuality.  It doesn’t get much more flaming than a man running around in Richard Simmons shorts.

Robert Redford, although old enough to be my father, was so beautiful.  Even in ‘Up Close and Personal’ when he turned to look at her while going up the escalator, oh my gosh, he still had it.  I would marry his old ass, purely out of attraction, with his money being a bonus.    I would say it’s only been in the past few years, that his age is starting to get the best of him.  Has he gone bad?  No, but he’s falling down the list year by year.

But my current crush, definitely the US Soccer Team.  Yep, I’ll sign up to be the slutty girl and sleep with the team….no shame, they’re all beautiful.  

So what were your crushes, gone wrong, or still good???

As of last year, Eldest is afraid of bugs. If it is a controlled situation, like me holding the bug,  he is fine. But if one starts buzzing anywhere near him he shrieks like a girl. It’s pretty much the only thing that can convince him to come inside from the backyard.

So about a month ago Eldest started waking up in the middle of the night screaming. Of course, being good parents we run in to see what is wrong. After we calm him down, he starts talking about a bug in his bed. We search and search and see no bug. I do a quick little shout out to any bugs that might be in Eldest’s room and tell them if they bother my kid again, Mommy will put them in time out. (It always gets a little giggle from Eldest.) Then, back to sleep he goes.

Well, the other day it happened during nap time. And because I do it for love and not responsibility (right Sabrina?) I go in and check on him. This time I notice that he has….well…hmmmmmm, how do I put this?  Ok, he’s got a fuckin’ hard on. (Sorry, don’t know how to sugar coat it and that’s the first thing that came to my mind.)

I try to calm him down without letting him rub up against me and ask him what’s wrong. That’s when he points down to his penis and says, “See Mommy, there’s a bug in my bed.”

Yep. This whole time, he has been waking up with a boner and thinking it was a bug. This is one of those moments that I was NOT prepared for. (But I totally got a good laugh with Hubby when I told him later.)

Don’t you know Eldest will be mad if he ever finds out I told this story to the entire internet.

I just got an email from a friend of mine that’s having sleep issues with her baby. Apparently her baby isn’t feeling the sleep thing, but like any new mom (by definition that’s any mother with one child less than 2 years old), she talks about how she’s exhausted, and how the love for her child is what gets her up in the morning.

Can I be the first to call bullshit on that? It’s not love that gets you out of your bed in the morning, it’s the responsibility. If LOVE got people out of bed then I know plenty of people that would get up for chicken wings and beer. Hell, wave a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup in front of me and I’d be showered and in full drag in record time - if love was all it took! No, it’s responsibility. Let’s face it, if your kid had a snooze button you’d use it. Maybe not the first two weeks. The first two weeks you’re in that honeymoon phase where you still stand by the crib in awe of what has come through you and you still have to be peeled away and actually TOLD to sleep. Then reality hits about the same time the shit starts to stink. It’s about that time that Grandma realizes that this isn’t her kid and she can actually leave before the kids head starts spinning….again.

So, at roughly four weeks, while Grandma is down in Costa Rica signing the deal on her new timeshare, new mom is pacing the floor trying to figure out how to get in just five more minutes of sleep. It’s at this point that if your pedophile neighbor offered to babysit so you could rest, you’d momentarily consider it.

And, when you’ve officially gone insane from the lack of sleep and the bleeding nipples, you inform your husband to get his lazy ass to Home Depot to buy duct tape, a tarp, and a deadbolt for the bedroom door, because when that bitch Grandma gets her Costa Rican ass back in town he has strict instructions to kidnap her and bring her back there so you CAN SLEEP.

But, perhaps this is just me.

I am planning on having a third child. Not right this minute, but sometime in the future. As y’all know, I have two boys. This is where the question arises from everyone that I meet, ” so are you going for that girl next?” I don’t really know how to answer that.

Yes, I have two boys. Would I mind another boy? No. I feel deep down that I might be meant to be an all boys mom.  It fits my personality. Would I be happy with a girl? Yes. Although it completely terrifies me because I can’t even braid hair, I think it would be nice to experience raising both sexes.

Here’s where my dilemma comes in. Do I actively try to have a girl? You know, read all the books, eat certain foods and have sex only on designated days at specific times and positions.

I’ve quickly looked this up and it looks like having a girl is tough stuff. So far this is what I have found out.

- I need to lose about 20 pounds because the skinner you are the higher the chance of a girl.

- I can not have drunkin’ sex (how my boys came along) because it does something to your body chemistry and kills all those X swimmers.

- I need to eat a ton of salad and lots of chocolate. Oh and no red meat.

- Missionary position.

- I need to dope myself up on Sudafed.

It just goes on.  If I look hard enough I will probably find a site that tells me the sure way to get a girl is to do some version of the “congress of cow” position and let hubby get up in there and do his thing.  That ain’t happening.

I think I’m gonna do what I did with my boys, just let it happen. What’s the worst that could happen? I have another handsome boy and never have to pay for a wedding? Sounds good to me!

We missed officially wishing this little website a Happy 1 Year Anniversary! June 6, 2008 was the first official post. I believe the 1st Anniversary is the diamond one…right? We want diamonds. Or 3 boob jobs. Or something. Come on man! We’ve been entertaining you daily for a whole fucking YEAR! That’s like an epic amount of time in the blog world.

Just think about how so much has changed in the last year. Smiley had her baby! Lulu passed away. I bought Ben Wa Balls. We lost Mr. Right and Mr. Big. But Captain Sunshine gained momentum! And look at Jim and all that we’ve learned about everything from him, the Cliff of The Real Housewives! Miss Snodgrass, always opinionated. A shout out to all our newcomers. And, the big change – the writers! We 3 have settled into a good groove now. We get along really well outside of the blog and have each other’s backs.

I award this blog and all it’s readers with the Official Housewife SUCK IT Cup today! Thanks for hangin’ around y’all.

So what do you think the next year will bring?

Oh man. When I was first contacted by Samantha Hall of Passion Parties and asked to throw a party I didn’t even have to think twice. Lotions, potions, and motions! Or, if you’d prefer: Dildo’s and Diamonds. Twila was set to make penis shaped cookies and chocolate balls. I had all the drinks covered (all Crossroads Wines with some Sofia’s, and of course Patron..holla!).

Eight of my closest friends, or maybe it was nine, I can’t remember because I don’t remember much after I put some potion on my clitoris in the bathroom. It was like giving it a straight shot of tequila, it got a little numb. And when it came ordering time I had lost ability to speak English. However, I remembered an email that Captain Sunshine sent me before the party and it said, “Buy some Ben Wa Balls”. So my tequila soaked brain yelled out “BEN WA BALLS!!” And now they are being shipped to me. (And for everyone that just googled Ben Wa Balls and landed here, aren’t you excited?) I also remembered that I wanted a fake vagina for “his” masturbating pleasure. So I shouted out, “GIGI, the fake vagina please!” (And welcome again to the googlers!)

Truth be told, it was an awesome night ending with a drive to Taco Bell for drunk people food and me playing a drum solo. That I don’t remember at all.

Samantha did a great job of controlling the situation. Ok, me. I was worried about the feather tickler giving me the bird flu and the lubricant giving me a yeast infection. And, apparently deeply concerned that, since I have no uterus, the Ben Wa Balls would get lost up in me and float around with my intestines, and then I would have to have surgery to have them removed and then I would be the most embarrassed human on earth. She handled all of this with grace and ease and made everyone comfortable. Including the fact that my first question was that I was concerned that the nipple cream would give me diarrhea because it contained aloe vera and vitamin E. I even asked her if she knew how many Weight Watchers points were in it. And she never stumbled.

So, with all that said Sabrina gives Samantha and Passion Parties a rare 5 out of 5 Countini’s. Everyone should do one of these. 

I guess I’m embarrassed to admit that I was a Passion Party Virgin before Saturday night. I usually head over to Sara’s Secret or to Dallas to do any of my adult shopping. So I was a little excited to see what the party had in store.

The products were fun, and there was so much to choose from. You could easily spend a lot of money: Lubes, nipple cream, edible massage lotion that actually taste good, and of course, dildos, dildos, and more dildos. I’m definitely excited to get my goodies. If you can’t find your g-spot after your first Passion party, then there’s something definitely wrong with you. There are numerous tools in that category. Of course if you haven’t found your g-spot before your first passion party, then there might be something wrong with you.

The party itself was a blast. Of course you have to be with a group of people you’re very comfortable with, and we had so much fun. This is a great way to get with girlfriend, giggle, drink, and dance on stripper poles. Well, at Sabrina’s anyway. Yes, we had stripper pole time, which fit perfectly with the theme of the party.

Samantha did a great job, especially for a newbie. She had a tough crowd, well a tough Sabrina anyway. But she held the party together, and kept it moving. Just remember as you play the ‘what’s the most exotic place you’ve had sex in’ game, a Ferris Wheel on Santa Monica Blvd is not enough to win. You need to be more creative.

Elanah gives it four out of five Collin countinis’. Everyone should book one of these for your friends. I mean who really and honestly can say that they have enough sex toys? It’s like shoes, you never have enough.

Amazingly enough, until last weekend, I was the only housewife who had attended a Passion Party before. Or at least something just like it. Here is where I admit that even though I am a total prude, I like them.

They’re fun. They bring people out of their shell and get you laughing at stuff. Sometimes you even learn a little something.

This party was no different. Filled with vibes and edible creams galore. Now, I have tried the nipple cream before (no, not the breastfeeding stuff). Cool I guess, it’s supposed to make your nipples all tingling and shit and then your luvah’s job is to lick it off. Bad news for me is that after having two kids attached to my girls I can’t really feel a darn thing.

So I tried the biggest thing, a cream you put down there to get yourself all hot and bothered. It worked. Instantly I could feel it. I think it felt good, but honestly I really needed Hubby to help me test it out to see if it worked or not. And well, it was an all girl party. I can tell you that about 12 hours after the application it did nothing for me.

We had a good time. It’s something every group of girls should do one evening. You know… something out of the ordinary. Plus, your luvah will love it when you get that little package of goodies a few weeks later.

Twila gives Passion Parties 3 out of 5 Collin Countinis

This is one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes…where they’re in the Hamptons, and the couple has the really ugly baby.  They think that everyone there has ‘gotta see the baby’, and it’s one of the ugliest babies that they’ve ever seen. 

So as I’ve mentioned before, my sister is my insider to the childhood world for me.  There are many things I just don’t understand, and she usually gives me insight from a parent’s viewpoint.   The one question I hesitantly had to ask her the other day was  ‘do you know if your kid is ugly?’ I felt horrible saying it because all kids are supposed to be cute, right?

The question came up because on Facebook we have a mutual friend.  Now this mutual friend has a little girl, who I guess is about three now.  She is just not a cute little girl.  Actually, I’m going to go down the homely route with her.  She has a unibrow and just not a cute face.  Let’s just say when I first opened her page and started looking at the photos, my first reaction was ‘ewwwwww’.   Yes, and I really did make an outright ‘ewwwww’ sound.

So my sister told me she thought the exact same thing when she first saw this girl.  It didn’t make me feel as cold hearted to hear those words.  However, I’m just wondering if mothers look at their little kids and are really honest with their looks.  I know it shouldn’t matter, but with as hard as we are with ourselves, do we hold the same standards to our little ones?

And I’m not a horrible person because there are children that I think are absolutely adorable.  I also see the ones who are average, but then you just have those ones who, well to put it out there, are ugly.  I have another friend where the poor baby girl looks just like her dad.  It’s like the movies where they make the adult head in the baby’s body, and it just looks scary.  Yep, she pretty much resembles that.  I think I would just ‘forget’ to bring the picture with me when someone asked, but then again, I’m shallow.

So do you think you know?

Dear Collin Creek,

Your time has come. It is time to retire. It is time to shut your doors and say goodbye to all of the teenagers that have loitered at your food court, elderly who mall walk, and stroller moms trying to escape home.

It seems like just yesterday you were the mall to go to and had all of the stores that I liked to shop at. But now, *sigh* not even the Gap will sell their khaki loving goods in your building. All of your good stores have left or going to leave for sweatier outdoor pastures at Firewheel and The Village in Fairview.

I know you have tried CC. You have had many face lifts and nips and tucks throughout the past 20+ years but they have not brought you back to your once vibrant and young look. It doesn’t matter that you now have a Dave and Buster’s knock off or a Santa with a real beard. It can not cover up the fact that you are now a has been.

So now CC, please realize that you are no longer the mall that I once knew and come to the awakening that it is time to say good bye. I will always remember shopping at Container Store and Bookstop out side your doors before any other stores were there. I will remember the crazy hallway of mini shops that you had on the first floor next to Dillards. And I will remember the time (or two) that I gave a random guy my phone number in front of the fountain that is no longer there.

Goodbye my dear Collin Creek, goodbye. I am now making my way to Allen and Fairview for all of my shopping needs.

With Love,

Twila